some random thoughts

Lately i’ve been rewatching movies slowly but surely, I don’t like to just watch anything. Lately i’ve been feeling discouraged in maybe just how big artistic markets are within social media. I think I feel discouraged in ever being recognized for my gifts, and talents. It’s not that I don’t appreciate them and that’s why I need outside validation, but I’d like to heal the world with them or at least I’d like to like I used to before I went off the grid. My gifts are unique. It feels like nowadays everyone wants a platform for some type of social validation, and everyone wants to be worshipped or on a pedestal. I think I’d just like a space to be myself. I don’t feel like I have that in real life ever….

I think that individuality is dead. Maybe that sounds boomer as shit. It doesn’t feel like when I go on instagram that anyone is doing anything different. Either others are trying to emulate each other or are trying to be the next big sensation/thing. That’s just the way I am feeling now and it’s not a fixed perspective. I feel a lot of mixed feelings about it. Right now, in this piece…it’s mainly just identifying problems. I’m tired of people getting or receiving platforms based on mundane things that frankly don’t require any talent, thought, purpose, individualism, uniqueness, sparkle, or energy…and or are based on mundane things, that only require as a doorway ticket with payment as either status, riches of some sort, looks, or popularity. the fact that you can pop off just by the fact that your DNA got you there or things that didn’t come from you scratching the surface to create everything you have currently or had, or be self-made in every sense of the word really irks me to be frank. something about it feels so unfair. I know this piece is because I feel like my time hasn’t come yet. Then again, these are biased observations over the years. I don’t even know where we’ll be with the negative consequences of social media within reward systems and the way our body, as well as chemistry will respond to it in merely 10 years…Instagram has been out for 8 years….and honestly, it has just caused a variety of issues. Then again. I think it was a different platform at different forms of time.

I don’t think I want to be famous. I’d like to heal the world and be known for my achievements. I’ve always said that I wanted my work and brilliance to be the famous one or well known factor about my existence, and not primarily me in my avatar body. I always knew I was here for a big purpose since day 1, and kept the faith throughout the lowest points of my life to the best in comparison. Well, it feels like there is nothing you can do in this world right now to elevate yourself in terms of creating a platform is even possible when everyone wants to be something that not everyone is supposed to be; just for the lust of popularity or whatever they want using it for in selfish regards. everything feels rigged. Or like there’s always an extra step to not having it. or it’s like a secret club based off of a referral….Even then. You rig the universe in your universal favor.

The best people I feel like don’t get recognition. and the people who really put their everyday towards it are stuck. Or aren’t appreciated the way they need to be appreciated. Why are the geniuses who put 15,000 hours or however long it’s been, slept on? To me, that feels extremely unfair. I think that maybe that’s just how I feel right now in more of a neutral stance. and my thoughts about this will change in two seconds, because we live and we learn. One day I pray for a platform to be able to change the world. One in real life, and in a real life fulfilling experience. To be able to heal the world. To really help people. To nurture people towards their dreams. It’s easier to stay quiet and feel defeated by the climate of everything right now. I think what really hit me was the fact that i’ve been an artist for so many years. And put so many sleepless nights. It’ll be worth it, though. Waves of boredom and 15 minutes of entertainment have really killed the market for some of us. Things are so over-saturated. Everyone looks and acts the same, and applies the same formulas to success. Where is individuality? As well as self-expression? At the end of the day, regardless of anything….I always wake up and try again in the next second or tomorrow or sometimes, a year(s). I never give up.

Everything feels so fake. And not genuine. I wish that wasn’t what the market is right now or even was, or how it thrives. I genuinely believe there’s artistry collection/collectives, and then markets for sale.

I refuse to let other people take away things that are meant for me, and they can’t, anyways.

This is not a complaint piece, and I have the all the answers within. This is just how I feel with problem i’ve been thinking about deep in thought lately. I have solutions. Don’t worry. Sometimes pieces are about introspection and allowing the writer, and reader…to absorb their own self-truth.