it’s better to feel, than not to feel
“it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all,” -Alfred Lord Tennyson. it’s better to have experienced, to have felt, to have thought. it’s better to have sat and meditated, and re-evaluated. the past has maybe ended up in scenarios, but that doesn’t allow me to stop bettering myself. bettered my mind, body, spirit, and soul. staying true to the fundamentals of self. waking up everyday in agreement with myself. I wake up and chose a new norm with myself. being the person I’d like to be. imagining her, being her, obsessed with her. I’m my favorite person type stuff. loving yourself as of lately type stuff.
listening to music you’ve never even heard anymore, reading the word of the Lord when alone, a Genesis chapter has me back in check again, reading the word of God keeps my mind right again, protected and peaceful, keeps myself intact and flourishing, quokka happiness, reading heaps of books everyday. been painting flowers as therapy, inner happiness with myself and me, for the fist time I feel myself for the first time in years, alive and reborn in tears of, gratitude, fresh bouquets in my windowsill, saying goodbye to my lakeside, no more mornings driving same highway edged, up all night mixing colors at the lake’s edge, had to find a way to my dreams so I jumped instead of quicksand.
I found a better solution, stuck with myself through trouble shooting, chose a route of brilliance instead of succumbing, worked late nights rather than on drugs not working at all, getting a degree and putting school first because a masters keeps you out of trouble, staying away from people/crowds/places that will get me in trouble, I used to be troubled, now I found the inner forgiveness inside of me, I forgive you as I forgive me, I try to stay pure in your image, I try to not sink down the wrong path, I listen to you and others laugh, it’s easier to follow the crowd, don’t have opinions and keep going without a blink in your eyes, “this is the type of life I'm living,” type change in your eyes, seeing the recklessness I straightened, knowing with God it’ll be alright, no longer foundations of chaos, chaos is the beginning of the universe though, stability is consistency. they can copy all of your attributes then receive, but the Lord will always reveal their inner core if you’re actually paying attention. might as well keep to yourself, and stay bettering yourself. work out and get some good sleep. retainer and my phone off because I continue to choose me.
